Things Left Unsaid
by Fangurl Phantomhive
Summary: Songfic, as Alan takes his final breath, Eric reflects on the things he never told his best friend. Lyrics are italicized. Eric/Alan (R&R please)


**This fanfiction is dedicated to one of my Instagram friends who got me addicted to this song and who loves Eric and Alan probably as much or even more than me!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these lyrics**

Eric rushed into the Shinigami Infirmary and demanded as he tried to catch his breath "Where is he? Where's Alan?"

"Mr. Humphries is in the room down the hall," one of the nurses informed.

According to Ronald, while Eric was out on his break, Alan had suffered a major heart attack. Luckily, Grell and Ronald had happened to be walking by Eric and Alan's office and had heard the commotion. Opening the door, they found Alan on the floor, passed out, and struggling to breathe. When Eric had returned to their office, he saw Alan was gone and asked where he was before immediately rushing to the infirmary.

Bursting through the door to the room holding Alan, Eric saw his best friend lying unconscious in the bed. "What happened to him?" Eric asked the nurse as she refilled Alan's IV fluid bag.

"He's taken a hard attack by the Thorns of Death," she stated.

"What are the Thorns of Death?" Eric wondered, confused.

"It's a rare disease that some Shinigamis can contract during reapings. According to Mr. Humphries' tests, he's had the Thorns of Death for about three years now; and judging by the size of this attack, I don't know if he'll make it or not," the nurse explained before leaving.

Eric walked over to the counter next to Alan's bed and slightly turned up the radio. Suddenly, as if it was meant to be, Alan's favorite song began to play. Eric recognized it because of the many times his best friend had made him listen to it.

_It's just a matter of time a few days ago. I saw you; you were fine, remembering what you said about the book you read. The one I got you, the Beginning of the End._

Eric pulled up a chair next to his partner and sat down slowly before looking at the unconscious brunette. The room was silent except for the sound of the heart monitor occasionally beeping, the radio playing quietly in the background, and Alan's soft breathing. "Alan, c'mon man, you've gotta pull through. I know you're stronger than this. Alan, you can't leave yet," the blonde quietly pleaded.

_Oh how we'd talk for hours upon end. What I would give just to do it again. _

Why had Alan not told him he was sick? They were best friends, they told each other everything. Eric would complain to Alan about his life troubles all the time, but Alan had never once mentioned the fact that he had a disease, and a deadly one at that. Did Alan think that he would lose Eric's friendship if the blonde discovered that he had the Thorns of Death? Surely Alan knew him better than that by now.

_You're lying there in this hospital bed, won't you open your eyes and let's talk once again. _

As Eric listened to the song, he thought back to all the late night talks he and Alan would occasionally have whenever Alan had a nightmare or Eric was having a rough night and needed someone to talk out the day with. Either way, the two were always there for one another. Sometimes Alan tended to fall asleep against Eric and the blonde would stroke his hair and wrap his arms around his partner. Little things like that, that Alan did made Eric smile every time. Alan never tried to be cute; he just came by it naturally.

_If you fly away tonight, wanna tell you that I love you. I hope that you can hear me. I hope that you can feel me. If you fly away tonight, wanna tell you that I'm sorry, that I never told you, when we were face to face._

Eric and Alan were never in an official relationship. People assumed they were, but they were actually just in a casual relationship, and dated other people whenever that wanted. There were times where Alan thought that he was truly in love with Eric, but because of his disease, he was scared to get closer to the blonde. He kept his feelings about Eric private, and the blonde thought Alan was so innocent and sweet that he didn't mind the hints the brunette was trying to give him.

_Well I've been here all night and I'm watching you breathe in and breathe out. Is it really you or just a machine that's giving you life and it's making it seem that there could be hope?" _

After a couple of hours of sitting next to Alan, the heart monitor beeped a little more rapidly and Alan slowly opened his eyes. "Hi," he muttered in a raspy tone.

Eric immediately took one of his hands and rested his other one in the brunette's hair. "Alan, what's happening to you?" he questioned in a concerned tone.

Alan began to quietly cry as he turned his face away from his best friend. "Alan please look at me," the blonde gently requested as he turned Alan's face back to his.

"I didn't want you to find out," he cried softly.

"About your disease?" Eric wondered. Alan nodded. "Why didn't you tell me, I could've helped you."

"I didn't want to be a burden on you," Alan whispered.

_I could say to your face, if it wasn't for you then there would be no grace that's covered my life. You took the time to speak into my mind and my heart words of life._

Eric placed both hands on Alan's face as he wiped away the brunette Shinigami's tears. "Alan, you've been the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I would've gone to the ends of the World to find a way to cure you. You are my best friend, and I don't want to ever imagine life without you," he said quietly as he felt tears rise in his own eyes.

_If you fly away tonight, wanna tell you that I love you. I hope that you can hear me. I hope that you can feel me. If you fly away tonight, wanna tell you that I'm sorry, that I never told you, when we were face to face._

Alan began to cry even more as he reached up and touched Eric's face with his hand. "You mean the world to me as well," he replied as he let a smile slip across his lips.

Eric allowed tears to fall down his cheeks when he heard Alan's words. The brunette shushed his crying quietly before wiping away his tears. "Alan, I can't lose you. Not now, not ever," Eric cried.

The dying Shinigami reached a hand up and took his best friend's arm as he pulled his body up, so he could kiss Eric's lips for the very first time.

_So goodbye for now, and I'll see you again, some way, somehow when it's my turn to go to the other side. _

Eric slowly pulled back from Alan and let his jaw drop in realization. But just before Eric could say anything, Alan gasped, took a few breaths in, and slowly breathed out his final breath before giving way to death and closing his eyes.

_I'll hold you again, and melt at your smile. Now all I have are the ones that I'm with. And you taught me not to take for granted, the time that we have to show that we care. Speak into their minds and their hearts while they're here, and say I love you._

The heart monitor was now beeping one continuous sound, letting Eric know that his best friend, his Alan was gone forever. "No, no, you can't leave me, not now Alan!" Eric said as he tried to shake Alan awake. But the brunette didn't awaken; his body just lay there in Eric's arms as the blonde sobbed loudly. "It wasn't supposed to end like this! You and I were supposed to be partners, forever."

Lying Alan back down on the bed, Eric lowered his head onto the bed as he cried into the sheets. He pounded his fist against the mattress in frustration and sadness. Alan had just revealed to him that he loved him, and two seconds later had died. "If only I had known sooner," Eric whispered as he stroked his best friend's hair. Listening, Eric heard the final verse to Alan's favorite song fill the silence of the room.

_If you fly away tonight, wanna tell you that I love you. I hope that you can hear me. I hope that you can feel me. If you fly away tonight, wanna tell you that I'm sorry, that I never told you, when we were face to face. _

Eric silently bent his head and kissed Alan's lips once more. "I'm so sorry Alan. I love you, I always have." He kissed his best friend again before wiping his eyes and walking out of the infirmary.


End file.
